The bell on the front door had waken Mr. Claus around lunchtime. He appreciated the look and sound of having a real bell, but it was loud. The person at the door was having a good time with it, too. With the sound resounding in his head he struggled out of bed and regretted having said yes to such a big bell. Mrs. Claus was fond of it, though, and normally was home to answer the door. He ambled down the stairs in his red silk nightshirt. He took a deep breath and shook his head from side to side. The ringing stopped as he wiped his hands on his belly and opened the door. “Are you Mr. S. Claus?” said an official sounding voice before he even got the door all the way open. He nodded groggily as an envelope was thrust toward his hand. He reached out reflexively and grabbed it. He looked up still holding out the envelope but didn’t see anyone. He looked down and saw a gnome dressed in low slung jeans and a blue hoodie. “A gnome? Sorry, but we’re not hiring,” said Mr. Claus, waking up now. “Yeah, right. You’re served old man,” answered the gnome and turned around to walk away. “Whoa, wait right there,” said Mr. Claus in a commanding voice. The gnome stopped and turned back, “Yeah?” “What’s going on here?” “It’s all in the envelope.” “Let’s try again. What’s going on here?” “Short version is that Mrs. Claus wants a divorce.” “Again?” “Apparently.” Mr. Claus let out a sigh. “Tough break, old man. You gotta take better care of a woman like that.” He watched the gnome smile smugly to himself as he disappeared down the walk and around the corner. Oh Christ, thought Mr. Claus. And the first of December of all days. Could she at least have waited until January? What was she thinking? Mr. Claus fished his phone out of his nightshirt pocket and entered his code. Life goes on, he thought as he got back to the business of Christmas.
Chapter 2 Smart Phones
William could feel his phone in his pocket and didn’t need to check it. It was a mail from Mr. Claus, who was holding all of the elves as virtual prisoners. That wasn’t the intention when they had all gotten smart phones over the summer, but it certainly felt like it now as their workload was increasing each day up to Christmas. William could see that the younger elves were thrilled to death, and so was he in the beginning. The novelty had worn off fast, though. Mr. Claus continued sending out unnecessary e-mails just to make sure that he got “maximal value out of my investment”.
William had stopped reading the mails from Mr. Claus and relied on the old-fashioned system of verbal communication that had functioned well for many years. If something was important then William would get a call. He knew that he was living on borrowed time, but was enjoying every second.
Mr. Claus had just called twice in succession and William knew it was something that could wait. When he called a third time he knew he should answer it. “William, have you read your damn mails?” “Not yet. I was waiting for your call.” “Read your damn mails.” Mr. Claus replied gruffly and let that hang a couple of seconds. Mr. Claus took an audible breath and said sternly, “Listen, man, you’re like a son to me. A teenage son who doesn’t want to get with the program for the time being.” William looked down at his worn but presentable jeans and green cowboy boots and replied, “I’m doing fine, thanks.” “Cut the sarcasm, William. But, I’m doing well, thanks. How about you?” William smiled to himself, “Fine, thanks” Mr. Claus answered, “Okay. We’re fine, great. We have a problem.” William sighed, “Not again, something always seems to come up about now.” “Not that bad. I am not kidnapped or anything,” said Mr. Claus but didn’t laugh as William would have expected. “What is it then?” asked William, wondering if he would get a straight answer. “The management group needs to go on a short retreat somewhere in Denmark,” answered Mr. Claus. “Denmark is cool. I can stop by Leroy’s place on the way.” “By the way, make sure that Leroy comes along,” said Mr. Claus. That struck William as weird because Leroy was their problem fixer and wasn’t really part of the management group. William had to ask, “Leroy?” “Yeah, Leroy. Okay, I gotta run. The details are in a mail that I just sent. Make sure that everyone is ready to go ASAP.” William started to answer but could hear that Mr. Claus had hung up the phone.
Chapter 3 A Mystery Trip
Mr. Claus was on his way over to the factory to check everything out. He was a firm believer in making his daily rounds even that he knew things were going well. It was especially important this year as the last two years had been unusual. Two years ago he was kidnapped and barely made it out in time to ensure delivery on the 24th. Last year he was possessed by aliens and was glad to have his group of elves to take up the slack.
He met Liz, who was part of the management team, on the way in the door and followed her down to the board room. He couldn’t help but check her out. She looked like a school teacher from a rock video with her red horn-rimmed glasses and her hair up in a casual bun that seemed to be on the verge of undoing itself. It never made it down and she never took off the glasses and started doing a bump and grind. Nonetheless the thought always went through his mind. He had tried long ago to exorcise it, but it didn’t help. Instead he focused on her handbag, which was red leather and nice but plain. Her bag brought her a bit closer to a grandma and that calmed his imagination.
“Latte, right?” asked Liz. “Yes, please. Where’s the rest of the team? I thought that William should have called the other elves.” She ignored his question because she knew William had just called them. She went over to their machine and made two lattes. As she turned around with the coffees she could see the boys on their way in the door.
She smiled as she handed a latte to Mr. Claus and looked up, “Hi Alfred. What’s up J.J.?” Both Alfred and J.J. smiled. Mr. Claus could see what they were thinking, but Liz was not interested in anyone but William. She finally got him to admit his feelings last year and things were going really well between them. Liz asked the boys, “Have you guys fully graduated to coffee yet?” “No, not yet.” J.J. answered, “I can give it another try if it has lots of milk in it.” “One latte coming up for Mr. J.J.. Are you sure Alfred?” “Alright, how about a cappuccino?” he answered. “No problem,” said Liz with a smile.
Alfred went over to the counter in the kitchen and picked up a small basket of croissants. He sat them down on the table and everyone took a croissant. They all knew that Mr. Claus had called an important meeting, but he was uncharacteristically silent.
William walked in and stopped for a second. He was surprised to see Mr. Claus, who had asked him to gather the troops. Whatever, he thought and went over to say good morning to Liz.
Mr. Claus finished chewing the last bite of his croissant and said in a normal tone of voice, “Get packed guys. We’re going on a little trip to Denmark.” J.J. blurted out, “Denmark, cool!” Mr. Claus continued, “Alfred get the van sleigh ready. The coordinates are in an e-mail that is on its way.” Alfred asked, “Why are we leaving in the middle of crunch time?” “15 minutes in the garage,” said Mr. Claus gruffly and walked out the door.
Alfred was taken aback and looked toward William. William shrugged his shoulders, got up and said, “Search me. We need to pick up Leroy on the way, but that’s all he said to me.” Liz stood up and said, “At least he’s not kidnapped.” “Yeah,” said Alfred. The others stood up and they left the board room to pack for their mystery trip.
Chapter 4 Viggo
Viggo looked at his reflection in the screen, smiled and belched. He was spending increasing, even alarming, amounts of time on the computer. He discovered supernaturaldating.com a few months ago and it had been an eye-opener. He hadn’t previously had contact to many other groups out there but was starting- thanks to the internet.
As a nisse Viggo was related to both elves and gnomes but was more often mistaken for a gnome. He may even have been half gnomish, but his mother didn’t talk much about his father, who had left home at an earlier age. If she had gotten into the mead then Viggo would occasionally get an “at least he wasn’t a fucking dwarf” out of her, but he knew not to push it farther than that. He stopped asking before he left home and still doesn’t bring it up.
He dated a couple of smallish elves and even one good-looking gnome. He shied away from dwarves, but was thinking about giving them a chance. The dating thing was slow in the beginning but picked up after he overhauled his profile. On supernaturaldating.com he had a chance to be his inner self.
Name: Viggo Race: Julenisse (Christmas Nisse) Languages: English, Danish, German, Nisse (dialect of Elvish) Description: I am semi-good-natured with a mischievous smile. I am showing my age at 400, but try to keep in shape. I dress traditionally with a modern twist and have a well manicured beard. I don’t smoke anymore but like an occasional drink. I am busy during the holiday season but like to travel the rest of the year. I am open for new experiences and have a well developed sense of irony. I like books more than movies.
He spent a long time on the description. He wanted to be honest, but not too honest. He originally tried a realistic description but didn’t get much response to “lazy and prefer television”, “raunchy and open to threesomes” and “surprisingly well hung”. He actually did look good at 400 but the rest of the description was somewhere between stretching the truth and bold-faced lies. A more realistic description should have read:
Description: I am surly and occasionally smile. I exercise but more than make it up with a healthy appetite. I prefer jeans and a t-shirt but do wear my hat during the holiday season (the part about the beard is true). I don’t smoke anymore but drink most days. I am busy during the holiday season but like to travel the rest of the year (actually true). I am open for new (sexual) experiences and have a well developed sense of irony that manifests itself at inopportune times. I like books more than movies but prefer Supernatural Sluts (monthly gentleman’s magazine).
For the time being he didn’t have much time, though, as he was obligated to his duties in the house during the Christmas season. The current owner of the house didn’t have much holiday spirit, but Viggo was working on that. Every morning he put a fully-decorated tree in the living room and every evening it gotten thrown out. He admired the man’s resilience and was considering more drastic measures.
His thoughts were interrupted by a strange sensation. He looked out of his attic window and saw an old school conversion van with a painting of a wood nymph next to a flowing stream on the side. That was odd enough in itself way out here, but it got really strange as it was floating gently down to the ground.
Chapter 5 Colonel Mustard
Growing up Donald Mustard certainly built character. At an early age he decided that it would be Donald and not Don or Donny. He had tried to do something about Mustard. As a teenager his parents told him that he was adopted, but not really adopted. They found him one morning on the doorstep and they had taken him in as their own. He went through a period of rebellion where he insisted that the “d” was silent, like it was French. But that was too complicated and he just went back to being Donald Mustard.
Donald would have liked to have a family and an honest day job, but his greed and laziness won out. After high school he moved away to college with some friends, but it didn’t fit. It was like high school on steroids and he wasn’t interested in future housewives and corporate stiffs. He moved to Tucson and told his mom and dad that he transferred to a smaller place down in southern Arizona.
He bought a decent house in an upper middle class neighborhood and made a good living importing hash along the Mexican border. It was a simple business. He didn’t understand other people that fought hard 10 hours a day to make a 10% profit that they had to share with so many other people. Apparently they hadn’t taken the same Economics 101 that he had.
Mustard kept things simple because he was scared to death of prison. He kept his client list down to a minimum and stuck to his niche. He became an expert in hash and didn’t deal in anything else. He shied away from shadier customers and followed a simple motto, “the richer the better”. That worked well and he made a decent living.
To complete the upper middle class facade one of his clients, who was a graphic artist, made him a diploma with a B.A. in Communications from Grand Canyon University. He told his parents that he was now working as a communications consultant with a speciality in import/export. He figured that communications covered a lot of territory and pretty much described his job. He had to be good at getting messages back and forth without the authorities or competitors knowing what he was doing. It also kept the neighbors from being suspicious.
The business thrived for a period, but it got more and more crowded and he started looking for a way out. It came out of the blue one day when one of his customers, Hans, asked if he would be interested in being the caretaker of his house in Denmark. Hans was an importer of Danish furniture and had established himself in the States, but he kept his family home. Donald thought that a new country would give him new opportunities and he had loads of money stashed in Switzerland, which was pretty close by.
He called back and said that he was interested and Hans gave him the coordinates. “Coordinates?” “Ja. You’ll see- the house is on a private road that doesn’t have a name,” explained Hans.
Three days later Donald started his new life as the caretaker of a huge manor house in Jylland, which is the part of Denmark connected to Germany. It was rural, very rural, but Donald was pleased. He didn’t thrive on company, so it suited him just fine. He had grown tired of the desert, so a little rain and cold weather wasn’t a problem.
After three weeks he got restless, but didn’t want to turn back to the old business. He had lots of space and wondered why he couldn’t use it somehow. Two days later a new business was born, executive retreats. It was perfect. He shed Donald and settled on Colonel Mustard. It got people’s attention and sounded more intriguing than Donald.
He arranged anything that the customers wanted. Anything. As long as money wasn’t an obstacle he could make it happen. When his latest customer called and identified himself as Mister S. Claus, it sounded suspicious, but it was Christmas time and he paid cash in advance. He didn’t ask for anything extravagant and if he wanted to call himself Santa it was his business. After all he called himself Colonel Mustard.
Chapter 6 Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory
The van landed outside of a manor house in the middle of a large rural area in Jylland in Denmark. They stopped by Copenhagen to pick up Leroy, who had moved there over a year ago. It was a long way from the South Side of Chicago, but he liked the vibe. He had originally been drawn by all of the beautiful women with their pristine skin and light features, but it was the raw honesty and appreciation for design that kept him there.
The whole gang spilled out of the van followed by Mr. Claus. Leroy shook his head in disbelief, “Damn, I been in a lot of cool vehicles, but I ain’t never been in one with a waterfall. The only thing we were missing was a wood nymph. Alfred blushed and said softly, “Thanks.” Leroy looked up at the house, “Not bad.” William added, “Indeed, but I am more interested in why we are here.” Mr. Claus heard him, but didn’t offer any new information.
Mr. Claus headed to the front door, which was held open by a younger man, who looked like he had done some time and seemed calm beyond his years. William would have guessed him to be 30, but he wasn’t always good with humans. Elves aged considerably slower so the difference between 30 and 40 didn’t mean as much to him.
When everyone had entered into the house the man offered little in the way of dialogue. He showed them down a hall and through a large room to a conservatory. It was a round room with a moderate collection of small palm and citrus trees, all pruned meticulously. But there was plenty of room and it was surprisingly warm considering the outside temperature.
Their host cleared his throat and said, “Hello everyone. I am Colonel Mustard and I’ll be your host. Mr. Claus has mapped out an agenda for you and we will get started shortly. Please follow me through to the library.”
Leroy leaned over to William as they walked, “Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the ray gun. What do you have?” William looked puzzled. “Clue? You know the game? I guess not. Plus dude’s an alien.” “Oh no, not again. I had enough last year.” “No, man, he’s cool. He’s from an upper middle class corner of the galaxy. He may not even know he’s an alien. My guess is that he was left on someone’s doorstep as an infant. It’s pretty common.” “You can just see that?” “Well, yeah, but the infant thing is just a guess.” “Guessing Colonel Mustard’s true origin is probably not why Mr. Claus wanted you along, though.” “I wouldn’t imagine so, but he hasn’t said anything to me.” “That makes two of us, but he insisted that you be here.”
When they got to the library they were all surprised by its size and the shear number of books on the walls. Leroy looked over at William and said, “This is some serious Agatha Christie shit. You do know Agatha Christie?” “Yeah, and I am just hoping that no one gets murdered.”
Chapter 7 Kickoff Meeting
Mr. Claus had a commanding voice but once in a while he diluted it by trying to sound serious. It was a tell, like in poker, and William knew that something was going on that was beyond the divorce. Mr. Claus started in his semi-commanding voice, “Please everyone join me at the table. I have something that I need to share with you.”
Everyone sat down and Colonel Mustard must have left the room because William didn’t see him at all. He didn’t see him leave either. Weird, he thought, but Leroy says he’s an alien.
Liz, who was sitting next to William, leaned into his shoulder and asked, “Is Mr. Claus okay? When he puts on that CEO game face I get worried.” “Me, too. He don’t look so good. Let’s see what’s going on.”
Mr. Claus sat down himself and explained in a somber monotone, “Things aren’t going so well at The Pole. I had originally planned this meeting as a kickoff for Christmas 2011 with all the bells and whistles. But something has come to light that I am afraid puts a damper on things.”
He stopped and took a deep breath. He put his head down, squinted his eyes and held that pose.
William waited a while and then asked carefully, “Mr. Claus are you okay?” Mr. Claus looked up with open eyes and finally came out with it, “Rosemary has left me. I got the message on the first from a smartass little gnome on a pocket Harley.” Complete silence. Mr. Claus continued, “And, no, I’m not okay. But she’ll be back. But it didn’t have to be at Christmas time, now did it? That was cold.” Alfred couldn’t keep his mouth shut, “Like summer woulda been better.” Mr. Claus perked up, “Definitely, I wouldn’t have been there.” William asked, “But I thought that you guys had an arrangement?” “Hmmm... So did I. I kind of lost the spark years ago and I looked the other way at her indiscretions.” “What about her?” asked Liz. “She was pretty generous with her spark.” “No, not that. What about with you?” clarified Liz. “Oh, it was good, man, but we were away from each other most of the year. She had needs and that was cool.”
He trailed off toward the end and the group knew him well enough to know that he was done speaking about this.
The silence was broken by Mr. Claus’s red phone, which blurted out, “Mail from the dark side there is.”
Chapter 8 Mail from the Dark Side
“Aren’t you gonna read your mail?” asked William. “I know what it is,” answered Mr. Claus. “You do?” “Yes. Someone has been sending me the same damn mail the last hour. Each time it says that I have something waiting for me in facebook.” “Have you been in to check it out?” “No, the mail doesn’t look quite right and I am afraid to check facebook.” Leroy broke in, “I think that we should have a look at that mail.” William tried to change the subject because Leroy could be pushy, “Where is Rosemary Mrs. Claus?” “See, that’s the problem. This facebook thing probably has something to do with her. Probably a picture from her lying on the beach somewhere.” William suggested by asking, “Couldn’t it just be a kid with some extra wishes?” Alfred put up his finger and then started to explain, “That would be under the Santa page and that’s set up to go through J.J. and me. Mr. Claus shouldn’t be getting anything along those lines unless the kid has been bad and is a really good hacker.” William looked over to Mr. Claus, “Waiting won’t do much good.” “Yeah, that’s true, but I am not sure that I can deal with this right now.” “Nonetheless, waiting will just mean more e-mails.” Leroy was losing his patience, “Enough dancing, ladies. Give me the phone and let’s get this over with.” Mr. Claus handed him the phone. “Wait!” exclaimed J.J. from the end of the table. “What’s up J.J.?” asked Leroy. “Hackers always leave some kind of footprint. There might be some important info if we know where to look.” “Okay, you got it,” said Leroy as he handed the phone to J.J.
J.J. slid his finger over the phone and typed in Mr. Claus’s code. Mr. Claus didn’t seem to mind, but William made a mental note to bring that up at a later date. J.J. could easily have gotten the code from Mr. Claus, but he could also have gotten that out of the phone somehow. At least William imagined that it was possible.
“Okay,” started J.J. as he slid and tapped the screen. He didn’t say anymore, but it was clear that he had found the right page and that it contained something unexpected. He looked around and slowly handed the phone back to Mr. Claus.
Mr. Claus looked at it and as he took in the information his face went pale.
“What’s going on?” asked William.
Mr. Claus handed him the phone. As William brought it up to within reading distance he could see that it was Mr. Claus’s facebook page. In place of his own image, though, was a picture of Mrs. Claus in a red hat with duct tape over her mouth.
Chapter 9 Mail from the Dark Side #2
William looked over to Mr. Claus, “What’s the deal?” “I have no clue. With the divorce and everything I was entertaining unpleasant thoughts, but nothing like this.”
Leroy got very serious when he saw the picture. William knew that this was his thing and he was damn good at it. They now had a major problem and it was Leroy who had always helped them before. Leroy started immediately by getting details from Mr. Claus, “When was the last time you saw her?” “Around Thanksgiving. She was on her way to the Caribbean for a pre-Christmas dose of piña coladas and sun. We were getting busy, so I didn’t think much about it.” “Did Alfred take her by sleigh?” Alfred jumped in to explain, “Yes, but I only took her to New York. She wanted to catch a plane from there. We have an old sedan that would have fit fine in the Caribbean- just like one of the locals. But she insisted on taking a plane.” Leroy continued, “Have you heard from her since she left?” “No, just the smartass gnome and his divorce papers,” answered Mr. Claus with a hint of frustration. “Do you know if the papers are from her?” “Of course, who else would they be from?” “How did they look? Where were they issued?” “I don’t know, okay. I didn’t read them. This is the first time I have been served with divorce papers. The other times she has been kind enough to hand them to me herself. I just assumed that they were legitimate.” Leroy paused, looked at William and then back to Mr. Claus, “So, it’s possible that the papers aren’t from her or her lawyer?” Mr. Claus was getting irritated now, “Yeah, it’s possible. But it doesn’t make any sense.” “So, you saw her last around Thanksgiving. When was the last time that you talked to her?” “I haven’t communicated with her since she left. It wasn’t unusual for her to go a whole trip without writing or calling me.” “Back to the papers. Do you have them with you, by any chance?” “No” “Do you mind if Alfred picks them up? We are going to need those.” “No. They’re back at The Manor.”
Leroy was interrupted by Mr. Claus’s phone, which loudly pronounced, “New mail from the dark side there is.”
Chapter 10 Good Boy
Mr. Claus looked over to Leroy, who was staring at him with visible concern.
William suggested, “Even that this may be uncomfortable for you, it won’t help to wait.” Mr. Claus took a deep breath and let it out, “I know, man, but this is not easy. And all this e-mail electronic bullshit.”
The room was silent and only Leroy knew what to say, “Why don’t you let Alfred check the mail. William’s right. We need to see the mail and time is of the essence.”
Mr. Claus handed his phone to Alfred, who easily found his way to the mail. After reading it he pursed his lips, closed his eyes and tried his best to hold back obvious worry. He was too shaken to read the mail aloud, so he simply passed the phone around.
When the phone got to William he read the message aloud, “Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year and I would like one million dollars transferred to my bank account in the Seychelles. For the money you get your wife back. You can see that she is alive and I can assure you that she is unharmed. Please send your answer to the following e-mail address: goodboy@goodluckfindingme.dk. You have 72 hours. Sincerely, A Good Boy”
William looked to Leroy and said, “Okay, we know that she is alive. We also know that there is a trail, albeit electronic, that we should be able to follow. Alfred what can you guys do?” Alfred answered, “J.J. is pretty much a stud here, so we’ll give it a shot.” J.J. nodded yes and said, “Okay Alfred we need to get back to The Pole and we can get on this.” Alfred said, “I’ll take you back, but I gotta get back here to help.” J.J. nodded again and put his hands as if to say, alright. They left and Alfred patted Mr. Claus on the shoulder on the way out. Mr. Claus smiled appreciatively at Alfred.
Mr. Claus looked over to William, who was already getting started, “Leroy, do you know anyone who can help here?” “Yeah. One of my boys is the security boss at Facebook.” “Great. When Alfred gets back then we are out of here.”
Chapter 11 Again with Viggo
Viggo knew the house like the back of his hand and being a nisse he could feel a bad vibe that didn’t fit with the holiday season. He opened his door up in the attic and scrambled across the beams to locate the source of the problems.
It was either that weird sensation and the freaky, floating van or that Christmas zombie Mustard, he thought was he neared the library. What I don’t do to keep up the spirit around here, lamented Viggo to himself.
When he got to the library he looked through the peephole that he had drilled into the ceiling for just such an occasion.
“No way.” he said to himself in disbelief. “What’s he doing here?” he continued aloud.
Viggo gathered himself, but his mind was still racing, What is Santa Claus doing here? And he’s got a whole bunch of those snooty elves with him plus a human. I don’t recognize the dude, but he is most assuredly on their side. Okay, what to do? What to do?
Viggo made his way back to his pad and sat down in his favorite chair. He reached down to the cooler, that was always next to his chair and pulled out a beer. He liked his beer dark and always had a cold one at hand. He popped the lid off the bottle with his knife and took a long pull.
He smiled to himself and found his pipe in his coat pocket. As he put the pipe to his mouth he thought, This year and in this house. How ironic.
Chapter 12 Some Kind of Rat or Something?
William looked up at the ceiling of the library and then turned to Leroy, “Did you hear something up there?” “Yeah, and I got a strange feeling,” said Leroy. “Strange, how?” “I got a radar, man, and something in this house is not quite ordinary.” “You mean beyond Colonel Mustard?” Leroy nodded, “Yes beyond the dear Colonel.” “Like a ghost or something?” Leroy answered, “Yes and no. This is Denmark, so I think that there might be a nisse.” William looked puzzled, “Is that like some kind of rat or something?” Leroy smiled and broke into a gentle laugh and then explained, “No, no. A nisse is a type of elf, actually. You may be distant cousins, in fact, but you’re no more related than to the elves from Middle Earth. Nisse are a northern European phenomenon and in Denmark manifest themselves around Christmas time. They are connected to a house and ensure that they spread cheer during the holidays. They protect the house from bad spirits. They’re not always happy and cheery, though. They can also be cheeky or even nasty if they don’t feel like they’re getting respect. Or the lack of porridge and beer can also do it.” “Okay, so they don’t make toys and candy canes and stuff?” Leroy shook his head, “No, they’re more like a working class guardian angel. They’re loyal and hard-working, but like I said they can be nasty if things don’t go their way.” “You mean like Mr. Claus is compared to the Santa image?” “Yeah, something like that.”
Leroy tightened up his expression and looked around the room before speaking, “But, I think we have a bigger issue right now.”
At that point Alfred walked in swinging his keys around one of his fingers.
Mr. Claus got up and started heading toward the door. William stopped him by saying, “Leroy, Alfred and I are on the way to California to see if Leroy’s friend can help us out. Why don’t you stay here with Liz and relax as much as possible. Don’t worry about The Pole or anything else. I’ll make sure that production is still on track.”
William was surprised to see that Mr. Claus looked relieved. Liz smiled at him and it would be a big help for him to have some time to take everything in.
William looked at Alfred, “You ready to leave for California?” Leroy corrected him, “Uhm, LeSean don’t live in California, man. He’s a computer security dude and works from home, which in this case is a really nice place in the mountains outside of Tucson.” “Tucson?” asked Alfred incredulously. “Outside of Tucson, way outside of Tucson as it were on a dude ranch,” answered Leroy. William smiled at Alfred and said, “Hi ho Silver, away!”
Chapter 13 Way Outside of Tucson
William, Leroy and Alfred climbed into the van sleigh and Alfred asked Leroy for the coordinates. William had known Alfred for years and had seen many of his sleighs, but this van was really cool. It was a shame that they were transported so fast that they seldom got time to enjoy the ride.
Leroy looked up the coordinates and gave them to Alfred. He also instructed him to erase them the second they arrived at their destination as LeSean was a man who liked his privacy.
Alfred pushed the start button and the sleigh rose into the air and began its acceleration to a dizzying speed.
Alfred asked, “I guess that LeSean likes his privacy?” Leroy answered, “You could say that.”
As the sleigh slowed down and started its descent William looked out the window and there was only desert as far as the eye could see. It was beautiful, though, with mountains and a vast amount of green. It wasn’t like a green carpet, but it wasn’t just sand. As they got closer it turned out that most of the green was cactus and small trees with tiny leaves that were geared to a harsh environment that didn’t see more than 20 cm of rain each year.
William could make a beautiful white-washed house in a hacienda style with a pool to one side and a large barn farther out to the other side. If LeSean liked his privacy then this must be heaven.
When the sleigh landed LeSean was standing there to greet them. If he was impressed by the sleigh then it didn’t show in his expression or body language. William took him in and didn’t know what to make of him. He had long flowing blond hair and was wearing some very comfortable looking jeans with a flannel shirt. He looked to be in good shape and must have done something more physical at some point because William could see that he had muscles. To William he looked like a swimmer or a martial arts rat. J.J. was seriously into taekwondo and he had the same build.
As they got out of the sleigh Leroy smiled and said, “What’s up? How’s life out in the boonies?” LeSean answered in a distinctly Southern California manner, “Dude, it sure beats the Hell out of Silicon Valley.” “Not much surfing out here though.” “I miss the ocean, but this place has a different kind of calm. Plus San Diego is a short helicopter flight away.” “Helicopter? This consulting business must be paying well.” “Dude, could be worse,” answered LeSean.
They went over to a table that LeSean had set up in the shade and sat down.
LeSean started without any introduction, “I gotta tip my hat to your man- well, good boy. He is good, but I think that I know where you can find him.”
Chapter 14 A Geek Stud
Leroy said, “LeSean, delivering the goods as usual.” LeSean tilted his head to the side and hesitated before explaining, “I’m nearly sure that I know where the dude was when he wrote the mails to Santa, but that doesn’t mean that he is still there. I can also see how he got on facebook and that scares me. I should have seen that and it will be a fair bit of work to close that hole again.” Leroy interrupted, “You said that you know where we can find him.” “Well, actually, I said that I think that I know where you can find him. Just be patient and let me finish.” “Sorry.” “No worries, Leroy. We’ve been through a lot together. Okay. I know where he sent the mail from as I said. I was about to say that I also know that he put a false facebook page up that displayed in the real facebook. It’s elegant, but I found a small string that I also found hidden in the e-mail. That means that they both come from the same source. I could also trace them back to the same server that seems to be in Denmark. So, it looks like you’ll be heading back there.” Leroy took this all in and then asked, “Will he know that it is possible to have traced both things back to the same server?” “It’s possible, but he’s a geek stud and I’m guessing that the dude’s pride overshadows his thoroughness occasionally.” William broke in, “So, he may not know that it is possible that we could be on to him?” LeSean answered, “Yeah, it’s very possible. But, it may also be a trap. He’s that good.” Leroy asked, “A trap? How so?” “It’s possible that he put the code in purposely and left a trace on a particular server. Sure, it’s definitely possible. But, it seems more likely that this is something that he is unaware of. And we are extremely lucky to have found it.” William said, “It’s all that we have to go on. Trap or not we have to check it out. Now you say that it is from a server in Denmark? How do you know that?” “Strictly speaking, I don’t. But, he uses the same route to do his offshore banking. And I just happen to work for a lot of banks in the Seychelles and your man has an account in one of them.” Leroy smiled, “You don’t happen to have his name, do you?” LeSean smiled back, “It’s Lars Larsen, which I seriously doubt is his real name. But here is the address he gave for his passport.” “Thanks, LeSean.” “No problem. And, this one is on the house. It’s not everyday I can help save Mrs. Claus.”
Leroy waved goodbye as he, William and Alfred got into the sleigh and headed back to Denmark.
Chapter 15 S-K-A-G-E-N
William looked over at Alfred, “Where are we off to?” “The address here says Skagen and it looks like it is the tip of Denmark.” “Is Denmark big enough to have a tip?” “Looks like it. It’s where the North Sea meets the Straits of Denmark. Best guess is that they do a lot of fishing and maybe a lot of drinking in the dark winter months.” William asked, “How is it spelled?” “S-K-A-G-E-N” “Is that like Ska-gin with a hard ‘g’?” “No idea. Maybe Leroy knows.” Leroy’s mind was elsewhere, but hearing his name brought him to attention, “Sorry, I was chilling out.” “S-K-A-G-E-N. How’s that pronounced in Danish?” asked Alfred. “Skah-in. With a long ‘a’ is how I hear it.” “Cool name. What do you know about it?” “It’s kind of famous as an artist colony and has become fashionable in the summer. I’ve never been there, though.”
Alfred started off the sleigh and in no time flat they were parked on the street outside a small yellow house with a red tile roof. The edge tiles on the roof were painted white and the small front yard was enclosed by a small white picket fence. This seemed to be a summer house area as it seemed fairly dead. The air was fresh and smelled of the ocean. It was too dark to see the water, but they could clearly hear it.
Leroy said, “Alright, it doesn’t look like anyone is home, but this could be trap, so keep your eyes open. Wait by the front door.” William nodded and Leroy put his hand to his chest and then pointed to the side of house. He pulled a pistol from his shoulder holster as he trotted around the side of the house. William and Alfred walked carefully up to the front door to wait for Leroy’s signal. William’s blood was coursing through his veins.
William saw Alfred jump as the front door opened. Leroy stuck his head out and said, “The coast is clear. Come on in.” He led them into the main room of the small house. William didn’t see any furniture except for a bare desk. He asked, “Have you seen anything else in the house?” Leroy answered, “No, there’s nothing here and nothing upstairs. I can’t see a basement and the house isn’t big enough to have a secret room. It doesn’t seem that Mrs. Claus has been here. There’s no sign that anyone has been here for quite a while.” “But why leave just a desk?” “I don’t know.” William looked back toward the desk and noticed something on the floor next to the desk, “It’s a computer next to the desk. It was hard to see before my eyes adjusted to the darkness.” Leroy asked, “What’s that on top of the computer?” William took a step to his right to better look and answered, “It’s a candlestick.” “A candlestick?” William shook his head, “Yeah, that’s right. Should we be thinking bomb here?” Leroy laughed, “You mean should we be divin’ out the window with the explosion right behind us? No. This is someone’s idea of a joke.”
Chapter 16 Bourbon, White Wine and Fish
Liz looked over at Mr. Claus, who had fallen asleep sitting up. He held his phone in his hand and she really felt for him in this situation. She knew that he would make it through- he always did. But this whole thing was tough to go through from the sidelines let alone as the main character.
She was startled by Colonel Mustard who had appeared while she was lost deep in her thoughts. “How is everything going?” he asked. “Under the circumstances... so-so, I guess.” “So what’s happening with Mrs. Claus- or am I prying?” “No, it’s okay. We are in a holding pattern,” answered Liz without offering too much info. “Well let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” “Okay, thanks. I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”
Liz hadn’t seen or heard him since they arrived and had wondered if he was even in the house. She figured that was his job, but it still seemed odd.
She looked over at Mr. Claus, who was waking up now. “Did you have a good nap?” “Mmmm,” answered Mr. Claus struggling to speak. “I haven’t heard anything from the boys in the sleigh. J.J. called while you were asleep and things are going well on his end, but he says that this guy is really good with computers. He is making sure that production is on track and I get regular updates.” “Production. Crap, half of those little brats would rather ‘like’ me on facebook than get a toy. Maybe next year we ought to send out coupons to WalMart. We could sell the toys to them and the kiddies can pick them up on the morning of the 25th. That would make logistics a damn sight simpler.” “Don’t you think that what we are doing is just a bit more than logistics and gift certificates at a warehouse?” “Mmmm... Yeah, of course it is. Don’t listen to me. I’m just having trouble getting totally jazzed in the middle of all of this.”
His telephone rang at that moment. He still had it in his hand and looked down at the screen. “What the f...?” said Mr. Claus aloud to himself. “What’s up?” asked Liz. He answered the phone and put the speaker on so that Liz could hear, “Hello.” “Hi Darling, I just wanted to hear your voice. I also wanted you to know that I am being treated well.” “And you’re getting food and water?” “There’s a good supply of bourbon, white wine and fish. This guy must be an omega oil freak or something.” The phone on her end was hung up.
Chapter 17 May I Have Your Attention Please
William was the first through the door into the library followed by Leroy and Alfred. The vibe in the room as was strange and William wondered what was going on.
“Something happen?” asked William. Liz smiled, “Mrs. Claus called,” and then she frowned, “but the call got cut off.” “Where is she?” “She didn’t say, but she said she is doing well,” answered Liz. Leroy got down to business, “We struck out and ended up as the butt of a joke. Our good boy had run everything through a computer that sat alone in Northern Denmark. And he put a candlestick on stop. Real funny.” Liz said, “A candle stick? Weird. Speaking of which, Colonel Mustard showed up while you were gone, but otherwise we haven’t seen him. He creeps me out.” William said, “Me, too, but let’s stick to the Mrs. Claus thing right now.” “I guess you’re right, but I still don’t trust him.” Mr. Claus broke in, “So we’re not any closer to finding Rosemary, or what?” Leroy answered, “I have a feeling that we haven’t been looking the right place.”
Mr. Claus’s telephone interrupted Leroy by music and Eminem singing “May I have your attention please...” from The Real Slim Shady.
Mr. Claus was gathered enough this time to find the mail and he read it aloud, “Dear Santa, I am growing impatient waiting for your answer. You know that Mrs. Claus is alive and unharmed. Send a mail to the following address: goodboy@goodluckfindingme.dk. Account information will be sent automatically if you simply reply, “Good Boy”. You have 2 hours. Sincerely, A Good Boy”
Mr. Claus said, “I don’t have that kind of money. What are we going to do? Send him toys?” Leroy answered, “No problem. LeSean will deposit the money in the man’s account and you get Rosemary back. But this ain’t over.”
Chapter 18 Oh, That?
Leroy got his phone out of his pocket and send a very short text message. William asked, “Was that the money?” Leroy nodded, “I told LeSean that you are good for it and he will transfer the money. Send the mail saying that you have transferred the money.” “What now?” “I am going to find that nisse. His type could definitely be involved,” answered Leroy and walked out of the library.
It didn’t take long for Leroy to find stairs up to the attic, which is where he suspected that the nisse would be. He climbed up and stood in the middle of a what amounted to a series of gangways that probably went everywhere in the house. He looked left and then turned his head to the right before turning back and heading off to his left.
It didn’t take long before Leroy came to a door. He took a step back, rotated his whole body to the left and kicked as hard as the could with this right foot. The door splintered and he stood looking directly at a startled Viggo. “What the Hell are you doing?” asked Viggo more suprised than angry or scared. “This is a pig’s sty, man.” “A nisse sty, actually,” answered Viggo sarcastically. “You got beer bottles all over the place.” “I like beer,” said Viggo. “I guess so.” “How did you find me? I didn’t think that your kind could find me.” “My kind? And I thought that your kind cleaned up at least once a decade.” “Seriously, how did you find me?” “I do this for a living. And it’s not that you were being all that discrete.” Viggo nodded his head. Leroy asked, “What’s you name?” “Viggo” “Okay, Viggo. Where’s she at?” “Who?” “Mrs. Claus, you dumbass gnome.” “Hey, I ain’t no gnome. Well I don’t think so, anyway.” “Gnome or not, your life is going to be very short if you don’t tell me where she is.” “How in the hell am I supposed to know?” “Off we go, let’s go see the man. We’ll see if you aren’t the one who served Mr. Claus fake papers.” “Oh, that? Just a practical joke, man.” “Ain’t so funny, his wife is kidnapped.” Viggo looked suprised now, “Kidnapped?” Leroy didn’t answer. Viggo waited a second and and said, “I don’t know nothing about that.” Leroy believed him, “You’re not joking are you?” “No. The divorce was just a prank, man. You guys think you own Christmas and I thought that I’d help lighten things up. How am I supposed to know that she really wanted to divorce him. Are you sure that she didn’t arrange this whole thing? They don’t seem like they have the world’s most stabile relationship.” Leroy reached down and grabbed him by the shoulder, “Come on, get goin’. I think that you owe Mr. Claus an apology.”
Chapter 19 Viggo vs. Mr. Claus
Leroy pushed Viggo into the library and nudged him over to Mr. Claus. Mr. Claus recognized him immediately, “The gnome. You son-of-a-bitch.” “Whoa, whoa, big man. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Mr. Claus was upset and William could see that he was seriously considering hitting Viggo. Leroy helped relieve the tension, “I found Viggo, who is a nisse, or Christmas elf. I was thinking that he had something to do with all of this business as they can be pretty cheeky. And that was partially right.” Mr. Claus interrupted, “Partially?” Leroy held his hands out and continued, “Yes, partially. He is definitely the one who played the trick on you about the divorce, but he says that he doesn’t know anything about where Mrs. Claus is.” William spoke before Mr. Claus could get a word in, “And we believe him?” “Yeah, we believe him. He’s too unorganized to arrange more than the divorce prank. He can’t even clean up his own place, let alone find room for a guest.” Viggo defended himself, “Hey, I like my beer and I don’t like cleaning up, what’s the big deal? And if you’re done with me, then I’ll be on my way. Merry Christmas to you all.” He turned toward the door, but Leroy grabbed his shoulder again. Leroy said, “We came down here for a specific reason. Have you already forgotten?” Viggo looked over at Mr. Claus, who had settled down a bit, “I extend my sincerest apology.” Mr. Claus answered, “I accept your apology and if the circumstances were different I might have even appreciated the humor.” Viggo turned and waved and started heading for the door. When he got there he turned back around and said, “What did you find up in Skagen?” The hairs on the back of Willam’s neck rose and Leroy jumped up and bounded over to the door. Leroy asked, “What do you mean?” “I mean what did you find in Skagen, anything interesting?” “How did you know we were in Skagen?” “I’m messy, not dumb. I know what’s going on around here and with the people that are in the house. It’s part of MY job.” Leroy asked calmly, “So you know what we found in Skagen?” “Well I am not clairvoyant, but my guess is that it was a computer with some kind of clue.” “Like what?” Viggo answered, “Some kind of weapon or a funny note. Like from a Hollywood movie or something.” “You’re close. We found a candlestick.” “Interesting. Well, I gotta run, good luck with your kidnapping. And that Mustard dude, he doesn’t really have the Christmas spirit, does he?”
Chapter 20 Just That Stupid
Leroy looked over at William, “If I am not back in five minutes then come after me.”
Leroy jogged out the door and on down the hallway to the right.
Liz asked, “What was that all about?” “Beats me,” answered William. Liz was not done asking though, “That nisse or gnome or whatever. What was his deal?” “I think that is just how they are hard-wired. He was playing a practical joke at a very inopportune time.” “And what was all that mumbo-jumbo about a candlestick?”
William turned and looked out of the door. He turned back toward Liz, Mr. Claus and Alfred. His brain was trying to take all of this in.
William spoke aloud but didn’t address anyone in particular, “Colonel Mustard. A candlestick. No Christmas spirit. Leroy’s joke about the ray gun. Colonel Mustard must be part of this. But how? why?”
Leroy returned and announced, “Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick. Bingo!” Mr. Claus looked confused, “What the fuck are you talkin’ about, man? My wife’s missing and you’re talking about a stupid board game.” Leroy focused on him, “See that’s just it. It is a game, but it’s not a board game. This is real.” Mr. Claus was catching on, “So, Colonel Mustard is the kidnapper and computer genius? I’m not buyin’ it. He’s weird and he looks like a drug dealer trying to go straight, but there’s a long way to being a kidnapper.” Leroy answered, “I’m sure he’s been a dealer or a thief, no argument there. But I think that he saw a new business opportunity.” William broke in, “Nevermind his background, where is he?” Leroy looked over to him and answered, “He’s not here. I even checked with Viggo and Colonel Mustard has left the building. He says that Mrs. Claus has never been here. Viggo knows everything that goes on around here.” “Okay, then we should follow the money.” Leroy answered, “I thought about that one, but if he’s a computer whiz then he doesn’t need to be near his bank to withdraw smallish sums of cash.”
Things went quiet as everyone thought.
Liz broke the silence, “Would he have gone back to Skagen?” “Skagen?” asked William. Liz answered, “Yeah, why not?” Leroy said, “We were just there and there was only a computer and a candlestick.” Liz explained, “It’s like the last place you would look.” William agreed, “Good point.” Leroy thought for a second and said, “He’s not that dumb. Or... are we just that stupid?”
Chapter 21 Back to Donald
Colonel Mustard was tired of the executive retreat thing after only a month and was especially tired of that damn hobbit with all of his Christmas trees and stupid pranks.
As soon as he got the e-mail from Mr. Claus he asked his bank to notify him when the money hit his account. When he got the confirmation he was out of there and took off immediately to his place in Skagen, which was about 50 km away.
When he got there he would need to transfer his money to a couple banks and erase his tracks.
On the trip to Skagen he decided to ditch Colonel again and go back to Donald. It wasn’t such a bad name after all.
When he arrived in Skagen he parked a couple of blocks away from the place where he had left the computer and the candlestick. He walked toward that house, but when he reached it he went on pass and into the house to the right. He had rented both places under an assumed name, Lars Larsen. He had a lot of fun with that and really liked the name because of the alliteration and it sounded too fake to be fake.
He wasn’t going back into the place next door- he was only interested in Mrs. Claus. He wasn’t sure what to make of her. He thought she was going to be frumpy with a red velvet skirt and matching hat. He hadn’t expected a good-looking middle-aged vamp. She smoked like a chimney and drank surprising quantities of bourbon and white wine. Under the circumstances, he couldn’t blame her, though.
When he arrived she seemed to be in good spirits and was making a pretty good dent in a bottle of bourbon. He wasn’t sure what to do with her, though, now that things had run their course. If she were a drug dealer then it would be one shot to the back of the head.
But she was Santa’s wife. He wasn’t a fan of Christmas. But, he didn’t hate it either. It seemed such a simple set-up when Mr. S. Claus had called him. He didn’t know that it was THE S. Claus. He thought it had been like Lars Larsen.
Donald said to Mrs. Claus, “I can’t let you go, but I will make sure to leave the heat on. It gets pretty cold here in the winter with the wind and all.” Mrs. Claus answered, “Thanks Romeo. Hey, listen, I got an awful case of the Stockholm syndrome. How about you untie me?” Donald answered, “That’s tempting, really tempting, and I wish it were true.” “Oh, it’s true enough.” Donald looked at her, “I’ll make this short ‘cause I’m in a hurry. I would say that I am sorry, but I don’t think that it would square things. I am sorry that it ended up being someone as interesting as you.” “Are you gonna let me go or what?” “No. But I am sure that the elves, Mr. Claus and that Leroy dude are on their way. They weren’t all that dumb after all.” “No, they’re not.”
Chapter 22 A Personal Favor
When they arrived in the house, Mrs. Claus looked uncomfortable, but not like she had been tortured or anything. William could see that Colonel Mustard found her favorite beverages and let her smoke. He hoped that she got some food, too.
Mr. Claus went straight over to her and fell at her feet. He was crying like a little kid. Leroy stood right next to her with a gigantic knife, which he used quite skillfully to cut off all her ropes.
Mrs. Claus looked over to Mr. Claus and said, “Give it a rest. You ain’t the one who was kidnapped.” Liz said, “I think that’s pretty unfair. He thinks that you served him with divorce papers and then was kidnapped for a pretty substantial amount of money. He’s been a mess.” Mrs. Claus answered, “Try being kidnapped, Liz. Even with the booze and an endless supply of cigarettes, it’s been far from a day at the beach.” “I wasn’t trying to compare them. I was just saying that Mr. Claus was really devastated.” “So, you said something about a divorce?” asked Mrs. Claus a bit confused. William answered this time, “Yeah, he was served divorce papers by a gnome back at The Pole.” Mr. Claus had gained enough composure to ask, “So you don’t want a divorce?” “No, not this time,” as she smiled down to him and stuck out her hand to help him up. He smiled and got back to his feet.
Leroy was chomping at the bit, “It’s amazing that everyone is alright. It’s also unfortunate that we never caught up with Colonel Mustard.” Mrs. Claus corrected him, “Donald. His real name was Donald.” “Any other aliases?” “He mentioned something about a Lars Larsen- how he liked the name because it sounded too fake to be fake.” Leroy paused and then said, “Lars Larsen. That’s a good one. I agree with him.” Mrs. Claus offered, “We talked quite a bit and he mentioned that he was sick and tired of the rain and wanted to go back to the desert.” “Colonel Mustard in the desert with a paper trail. I’ll get on this.” said Leroy.
William didn’t understand what Leroy was talking about but could see that he was working his telephone. He could make out that he was talking to LeSean, who was probably connected to all of the flight computers or knew someone who was.
After several minutes Leroy smiled and put down his phone, “Okay. Our man is traveling as Donald Mustard. He apparently hasn’t left the airport in Copenhagen yet and LeSean could get onto his phone and found a couple of pictures of a ranch that he could place in Southern Arizona. I don’t know how the boy does it, but if they can get naked pictures of movie stars off their phones then I guess that it is possible to get a picture of a house.” William threw his fist up in the air, “Yes!” Mr. Claus had dried his eyes and looked over to Alfred, “Okay, we take Mrs. Claus, Liz and myself back to The Pole. Even that J.J. is a logistics master, I want to be there to make sure that everything is ready for the big night.” William answered, “Sounds good. Let’s get going.” Mr. Claus looked at William and said sternly, “And when you catch the bastard I want you to do me a personal favor.” Mr. Claus leaned over and whispered in William’s ear. William looked back at Mr. Claus with a look of shocked surprise. He paused for a second then nodded his head affirmatively. William said, “Consider it done.”
Chapter 23 Adios
The boys loaded themselves back into the sleigh for the short journey to southern Arizona. Unless Mr. Mustard had some kind of magic trick up his sleeve, or wasn’t coming home, they would be there before him.
Alfred said as they landed, “I’m putting her down a fair distance from the house and we’ll have to take the rest on foot. That means rattlesnakes and cactus.” Leroy added, “I would prefer a rattlesnake to Mr. Mustard.” William was looking somber after his promise to Mr. Claus and simply said, “Let’s roll.” They left the sleigh and made their way to Casa Mustard.
Leroy stopped them just short of the house and signaled that he would go on alone. He went left around the house to the barn, where William could hear horses. He looked at Alfred, who looked calm.
Leroy was back in 5 minutes and explained, “There is a ranch hand, but he was quite amenable to a small bonus if he made himself scarce for 48 hours. I promised to feed the horses this evening. I hope one of you know how much they eat. I’m a city boy and horses ain’t my thing.” William laughed and looked down at his green cowboy boots, “I think I can deal with that.” The three spent a fitful night in the house waiting for Donald Mustard to arrive home.
Late the following afternoon they could see dust plumes on the only road that led into the ranch. Leroy said, “Okay, remember our plan. No deviations and William does all of the talking. Alright?” William and Alfred nodded affirmatively.
They were waiting in the kitchen, which was just off the entrance hall. It was the natural place to come in after a long journey. Donald Mustard put his bags down just inside the door and made his way into the kitchen. Leroy drew his gun as Mustard entered. William kept his eye on Mustard and said, “Can I get you a beer?” Mustard looked at Leroy and wasn’t phased, “Sure, there should be some on the bottom shelf. I would say that this is a pleasant surprise, but it isn’t all that surprising and I’m guessing that you’re not here for a nice sunset ride in the desert.” “No. We’re here because Mr. Claus has asked that I do him a favor- a personal favor.” Mustard replied, “If this involves the money then you’re out of luck. I conned you guys out of a million dollars and that’s my Christmas present to myself.” “Mr. Claus doesn’t want the money back.” Mustard was surprised and asked, “So, what are you doing here?” “Like I said he asked me to do him a favor.” William nodded to Leroy, who reached over and pulled Mustard into one of the kitchen chairs. Leroy looked back to William, waiting for his signal. “Here’s the deal. You donate the money, every last cent of it, to Mr. Claus’s favorite charity. You have 30 minutes. The charity’s bank information has been planted on your phone by one of our associates, who can also follow all of your transactions.” Mustard took a second to take it all in and then broke into laughter, “How ironic. The hacker gets hacked by Santa. Santa of all people.” His response had taken William by surprise but Leroy was calm and still had Mustard in his sights. Mustard continued, “Alright, fair’s fair, bro. Gimme five minutes and the money will be there. Now can I have my beer?” William relaxed and answered, “Of course.” “Mi casa su casa, bro. You guys want one for the road?” William nodded and said, “Sure.”
Mustard got himself a beer out of the fridge and put three more out on the table. He sat down and Leroy and William grabbed a beer. Alfred said that he was driving. Mustard worked his phone for about three minutes. “Okay, the money is where you want it to be.” William nodded and took a sip of his beer. Leroy’s phone rang about a minute later and he confirmed that the money had gone through.
They got up to leave and William said, “Thanks for the beer. And Merry Christmas to you Donald Mustard.” Mustard laughed again and raised the can and said, “Thanks and Feliz Navidad, gentlemen. Say hello to Mrs. Claus, she’s one Hell of a woman.” As they left Mustard added, “Adios.”
Chapter 24 Merry Christmas to All
The gang arrived backed at The Pole and could feel the buzz that surrounded the big night. They made their way to the boardroom, where Mr. Claus was checking the master list with J.J. and Liz.
William asked, “Where’s Mrs. Claus?” Mr. Claus looked over and answered, “Rosemary’s beat. She’s over at The Manor sleeping like an angel.” “Are we ready to go?” “Yeah, J.J., Liz and the gang have really taken care of business. Everything is on track and we are T minus 2 hours. How did things work out with Mr. Mustard?” “He took it awfully well. He laughed and said that it was ironic for a hacker to get hacked by Santa and his elves. I guess that the Christmas spirit finally hit him. It was an unconventional route, but we may just have a convert.” Mr. Claus smiled, “If that’s what it takes.” William laughed, “Yeah, we do what we can, don’t we?” “We sure do, William, and we had yet another exciting December.” “Not many boring days at the office around here.” “Why don’t you guys get some rest and Leroy please stay for the feast tomorrow.” “I would be honored, Mr. Claus.” “No, the honor is all mine. Any chance LeSean would like to join us?” Leroy answered, “I am sure that he would be delighted.” “And what about the gnome? Viggo.” Leroy answered, “Are you sure that you want him here?” Mr. Claus answered, “Absolutely, he’s a brother in some respects. He’s kind of rough around the edges, but I don’t like the thought of him spending Christmas alone. Mustard I’m not too worried about.” William said, “You got it.” Mr. Claus looked at everyone and said, “We don’t have all night people. Let’s get the sleigh loaded and get this party started!”
