Thanksgiving 2018
Leroy sprang off the couch and punched his fist in the air as the quarterback from the Chicago Bears jumped into the end zone over two players from the Detroit Lions. He turned over to his brother, Isaac, and gave him a high five.
“Man, the interception by 52 set this whole thing up,” he said and pointed with both hands to his Khalil Mack Bears jersey.
The kicker from the Bears made the extra point and they went up 24-17 with only five minutes left in the game. Leroy and his brother both got up from the couch to get a refill of turkey and stuffing in the dining room just next to where they were watching the game. On the way out to the turkey Leroy heard a familiar voice on the television but he couldn’t place it right away.
The voice from the television said, “We’ve all been there and it doesn’t have to happen again. It won’t happen again.”
There was a pause and a bass line started up followed by a couple of light moans.
“So the mood is there and everything needs to work,” said the voice from the television.
Mr. Claus? thought Leroy. But that couldn’t be. Mr. Claus hates football and television and has never personally done a commercial in his life. The Coca Cola thing was definitely done without his permission but he had gotten his own back.
Leroy rushed back to the television in time to see Mr. Claus in a red velvet suit with a plastic pill bottle in one hand as he shook three large wine gums out into his right hand. He popped them into his mouth.
“Doc Johnson’s power gums for when the hydraulics need to work. They come in three delicious flavors- brown ale, IPA and stout.”
Mr. Claus looked toward the camera and held up the bottle so that the label was visible. He glanced down at his crotch then up again, raised his eyebrows suggestively and smiled directly in to the camera.
A Ford pickup commercial started and left Leroy wondering just what had happened.
“What was that little bro?” asked Isaac.
“I don’t know but there are a whole lot of families wondering just the same thing. And it won’t be long before word gets back to The Pole. What was he thinking?”
“I know what he was thinking,” said Isaac laughing.
“And that was the problem. Some transparency is good, but that was way too much information. Shit, I definitely didn’t need to see that.”
“People don’t pay attention to those commercials,” said Isaac hopefully.
“Wish that were true. Looks like Christmas is starting even earlier this year and I gotta get to The Pole,” said Leroy.
“But Leroy, my son, we haven’t even got to the pie yet,” said his mom as she brought out a sweet potato pie to the table next to the turkey.
“Sorry, mom, I forgot. I can’t leave without pie but I need to get hold of William,” said Leroy.
“And I need to get some of them power gums for your father,” said Leroy’s mom.
Leroy and Isaac looked at one another and then down at the floor appearing clearly uncomfortable.
“Relax, boys, I’m just joking,” said Leroy’s mom with a mischievous smile on her face.
Both sons looked over at their father, who was snoring on the couch, and then back at each other clearly relieved.
“Ma, that was maybe too much information,” said Leroy.
“But I was just joking. Your father has never needed help in that department,” she said and laughed.
