The First Story (2009)
Chapter 1
A green cowboy hat and matching boots made William stand out a bit. Although he hadn’t ridden a pony since leaving home he liked the boots because they made him taller than the other elves. He was pleased when the dress code at the North Pole was slackened so that he could wear jeans and a comfortable shirt. He was relatively quiet but not shy. You always got the feeling that William was listening and as a rule he was.
Sitting next to him in meeting room was Liz, who looked sharp, even with a bun in her hair. She loved her clothes and was almost never seen without her dark red Prada bag, which on most days was home to her pet penguin. It was one of the small varieties that William always thought reminded him of a Chihuahua with a good layer of fat and a waddle. Liz was tough and had a quiet way about her. After a drink or two, though, she was quite talkative. William was quietly attracted to her because she was sexy in a school teacher sort of way. He was unsure of her feelings for him and was building up the courage to raise the issue “when the time was right”. It wasn’t looking like this December was the time.
Chapter 2
A lot of things had changed in the last decade at the North Pole. The boss was almost exclusively referred to as Mr. Claus and his wife as Mrs. Claus or Rosemary, which has her given name. They were a happy couple and actually had a lot of time to spend together outside of the Christmas rush. They travelled extensively, especially on tropical islands with lots of sand and beautiful blue water. Mr. Claus was a true world traveller and knew where the really cool places were. They were fond of sun and beaches and he refused to stay anywhere with a chimney. They had never had children and she kind of regretted that decision, but he felt that he had millions of kids already.
They had a soft spot for Alfred, who can’t be described as anything other than a total nerd. He had disheveled hair and glasses that were a bit too big and worn down, although not to the point that they actually needed any tape. While Alfred was quite practical in many regards he looked as if his clothes were an afterthought. Everyone was thankful when Alfred remembered his shoes and the fact that his socks rarely matched didn’t matter so much. He knew a lot about computers and had hooked everyone up with a laptop and gotten them e-mail and internet access. He wanted to set up a homepage for kids to submit their lists directly, but Mr. Claus insisted on keeping the traditional system. Recently he had started studying mechanics and engineering and was helping Mr. Claus in an effort to modernize the sleigh. They were getting close to a new design the last time the subject was discussed publicly it was clear that the reindeer would definitely stay and that the sleigh would be radically altered.
Chapter 3
Despite his jolly smile Mr. Claus ran a tight ship. He had lightened up recently and established a management group that consisted of William, Liz, Alfred and Mrs. Claus. They helped make some changes that everyone was glad for, including a more relaxed dress code. William was especially glad to ditch the tights in favor of jeans and boots. An influx of technology meant that computers and mobile phones were standard issue. Everyone referred to the place as the Pole. And right now the Pole was in a state of utter chaos.
It would have been alarming under normal circumstances that no one had seen Mr. Claus for 36 hours, but this was December and Christmas was approaching fast. He never disappeared without explanation and Mrs. Claus was beside herself. Word had spread throughout the Pole and Alfred and Liz were frantically trying to keep up morale. William was silently worried and knew that he would have to bring in outside help if Mr. Claus didn’t show up soon.
Chapter 4
“Are we on track with production?” William asked Liz and Alfred at the start of their morning meeting.
“Morale is a bit down as everyone is speculating about Mr. Claus, but things are looking good. All things considered that is.”
“Has anyone checked on Rosemary, uh, Mrs. Claus?” asked Alfred, who sounded genuinely worried.
“I’ll go around and see if she is okay if you guys can keep an eye on the floor.” said William in a calm voice.
He checked his phone more as a way of stalling than anything else. They didn’t communicate much by phone at the Pole as they were all working quite close to one another and the place wasn’t all that big. He walked deliberately to the Claus’ house, the Manor, which was a stylish, modern home made primarily of wood and glass. Minus a chimney, of course. He checked his phone again before knocking on the door. He knocked a couple of times before Mrs. Claus finally answered. If he didn’t know better he would have sworn that she had had a whiskey breakfast. She looked distant and nearly didn’t recognize him.
“Are you okay, Mrs. Claus?” he asked hesitantly.
She looked up with tears welling in her eyes and managed to answer, “He’s been kidnapped.”
She broke down in tears and William watched in disbelief as she slumped toward the floor. He was shocked but put himself momentarily together and helped her into the house and onto the nearest couch.
Chapter 5
William thought she needed something and despite it being morning he brought a sizeable glass of cognac, which he knew she liked, just normally in the evening. He realized that she might need some water and, possibly, ice. He got right back up and went to the kitchen for a big glass of water with lots of ice. When he returned she finally looked like he could ask what exactly was going on.
“What’s up.” he stated more than asked and continued deliberately, “When did you find out?”
“I, I got a mail…” and tears started welling up in her eyes again.
“It’s okay.” he said in his best priest voice, which kind of came out of nowhere as he hadn’t grown up in a very religious home.
“Okay.” said Mrs. Claus and took a deep breath, “I checked my e-mail hoping that I would hear from him. You know he always carries that red iPhone he got from Steve Jobs last year. And the e-mail at the top of my inbox was from an address I didn’t recognize. Here let me get it.”
She got up as she was finishing her sentence and disappeared into another room. She came back with a single sheet of paper in her hand that she held out in front of her and a bit to the side like a smelly sock. William took it from her and read the mail.
Dear Mrs. Claus,
Your husband is safe and in good hands. I am afraid, however, that he will not be home for Christmas. I will return him unharmed on the morning of the 26th.
Please do not attempt to rescue him as this could be very risky for both you and your husband.
Sincerely,
Dr. Diamond
Chapter 6
“Do you know this Dr. Diamond?” William asked Mrs. Claus.
“No, it doesn’t even sound like a real name- it’s like a Bond villain.”
After a small silence William stated carefully, “We should really keep this quiet or all Hell is going to break loose.”
“I just want him back…” said Mrs. Claus and started crying again.
William gave her a hug and just stayed at the Manor until she was relatively calm again.
“I need to head back to the Pole and tell Liz and Alfred what is going on. I will try and keep a lid on this, but we need to tell everyone else something or rumors will take over.”
“Tell them whatever you want, just get him back.” answered Mrs. Claus.
William gathered himself on the way back to the Pole. He had sneaked a sip of cognac and that had helped to calm his nerves a bit. Liz and Alfred were waiting for him at the doorway looking very anxious.
Liz was the first to speak, “What’s going on? You look like you saw a ghost or something.”
Right to the point William answered, “Mr. Claus has been kidnapped by someone calling himself Dr. Diamond. We should keep this quiet as we don’t even know if the e-mail that Mrs. Claus got was real or not.”
After a pause to let things sink in William added soberly, “We need to bring in Leroy.”
Leroy was not an elf and was their designated problem solver on the outside.
Chapter 7
William looked up Leroy’s number on his phone and dialled it up.
“How are you William?” came a calm and reassured voice from the other end of the phone.
“I got an issue here” said William.
“Is it something that you want fixed?” asked Leroy in a business-like voice.
“Yes. I’ll pick you up in two hours at the usual place”
William took the sleigh that looked exactly like a mid-80’s Monte Carlo that was a quintessential quadratic car with square everything. It was baby blue complete with tiny rust spots and looked as though it had been driven a couple hundred thousand miles. Alfred had mounted some kind of hydrogen ion drive or something that sounded like it came directly from Star Trek. The sleigh drew little attention on the south side of Chicago and William simply swooped down and parked without anyone really batting an eye.
The usual place was Aunt Koko’s, a local soul food place. Leroy was drinking a cup of coffee in a corner booth and he looked normal enough but there was something about him. Everyone knew everyone at the restaurant but left Leroy to himself. He was dressed in neat baggy jeans with a polo shirt that looked like it had been tagged by a teenage L.A. gang banger. It was apparently the latest fashion in Chicago. Leroy wore a nice blue sport coat that on most people would seem at odds with jeans.
William sat down at the booth and ordered chicken with dumplings. He loved visiting Leroy when they met at Aunt Koko’s. He had eaten his way through the whole menu and had a handful of dishes that he ordered. Chicken with dumplings was a winter favorite.
“The man has been kidnapped.” said William in a low voice just to get things started with Leroy.
Leroy nodded his head.
“All we got is an e-mail. Here’s a copy.”
“I need to see the computer then. Call Alfred and have him pick up the computer from Mrs. Claus- it’s a laptop right?”
William made the call discretely just before his food arrived.
He enjoyed his meal in relative silence and left money to cover the food and a nice tip on the table. He looked at Leroy and nodded toward the door. They got up and headed out to the sleigh.
Chapter 8
“Leroy, what’s up?” beamed Alfred when William and Leroy got out of the sleigh.
“How did she run?” asked Alfred excitedly without waiting for an answer.
William answered “A pleasure to drive and the sound system is cool. I love that sleigh.”
Liz added dryly, “Hi Leroy”
William detected a faint crack in her voice and wondered if they had something going or had had something. But there wasn’t time to worry about that now.
Leroy smiled, “Hi. How you guys doing? Maybe one of these days you should come down and join us at the restaurant for a good old-fashioned meal.”
William broke in, “Alfred did you pick up the computer?”
“Yah. It’s just inside. Come on in.”
Everyone followed Alfred inside and Leroy remembered to duck a bit. The doors were definitely not made with him in mind.
Leroy got immediately down to business, “So, Alfred tell me what you have checked.”
Alfred spattered out streams of what were probably intelligible phrases but William only understood “IP address”, “internet provider”, “password” and “hack”. But Leroy followed along and nodded his head at what seemed to be key points.
He looked at Alfred and then the computer screen, “Okay, so the mail came from Mexico through Russia, India and Copenhagen. Copenhagen? What would Mr. Claus have been doing in Copenhagen?”
Liz stepped in, “I was helping him on a speech for the climate conference. There is going to be a huge climate change conference in Copenhagen and he is scheduled to give a talk on ‘Modern Personal Transportation’.”
Leroy couldn’t help smiling, “So, reindeer are green, huh?”
Liz had to smile and laugh a bit, “Well, yes. Alfred and Mr. Claus had been working on a number of other alternatives like the Monte Carlo.”
Liz added a bit more seriously, “I can give the talk. I actually wrote it. Can’t we just explain that Mr. Claus has the flu and couldn’t make it- especially considering the talk about flu these days?”
“Yah… the reindeer flu” said Leroy totally straight and then stamped his heel and broke out laughing followed by everyone else.
It was a pretty bad joke but under the circumstances it helped to relieve a bit of the tension. They all agreed that Liz would give the talk in Copenhagen with backup from the whole team.
Chapter 9
They took a more discrete mode of transportation to Copenhagen. With all the buzz surrounding the meeting and the potential arrival of dignitaries including the president of the United States, they literally flew in under the radar. Liz directed them to where they needed to go and they arrived early to scout the venue and its surroundings. They figured that Dr. Diamond would know that Mr. Claus was scheduled to speak and would be compelled to see how things were handled.
They had the lay of the land and had sat down for a cup of coffee and a pastry. A vaguely familiar looking man walked by with a modest entourage. The man stopped and looked over at them.
“Leroy?” He asked with his face slightly screwed up in surprise.
“I’ll be damned. Long time no see” Leroy nodded and smiled. He got up and went over to shake his hand. They talked and laughed for about ten minutes before the man shook Leroy’s hand with both hands and smiled and said goodbye.
Liz, Alfred and William in concerted disbelief asked Leroy before he even got a chance to sit down, “You know Al Gore?”
“We worked together a while back” answered Leroy kind of cool but didn’t explain himself.
Leroy continued, “There are only 15 minutes to Liz’s talk and he must be around here somewhere. Keep an eye out. We’ll be in the back corners of the auditorium and we are looking for unusual behvior- anything out of the ordinary.”
The talk went well and Liz explained all about the different sleighs that were used at the Pole and how none of them ran on fossil fuels. There was a lot of buzz and questions but nothing out of the ordinary. As people filed out there was one person in a dark suit that lingered and started to approach Liz to ask a question. William could see that Leroy was approaching faster from the other side of the auditorium. The guy in the dark suit caught site of Leroy and turned discretely and caught up with the last of the crowd filing out of the auditorium.
Leroy came straight toward William and grabbed him lightly by the arm.
He leaned over and said, “Man, I know that dude. He’s bad news.”
Chapter 10
Leroy and William followed with the crowds out of the auditorium and tried to get a line on the man in black. William hadn’t had time to ask Leroy just who this guy was and was having trouble keeping up.
Liz and Alfred went over to where they had a cup of coffee and ordered one more. Liz was relieved that the talk went well and excited and worried at the same time when she saw the others take off after the man.
All of a sudden something caught Alfred’s attention. Liz looked over and was genuinely surprised by the approach of a young man, who looked intent on asking a question.
He looked young for his age with John Lennon glasses and dishevelled hair.
“Hi my name is Harry Potter and I really dug your talk.” said the young man in a rather casual but distinctly British voice.
“Hi Harry Potter” said Liz and thought very sarcastically to herself, Right, and I am Galadriel.
She could see that he could see that her sarcasm was not well hidden.
“I get that a lot. People think I am on leave from a loony bin, but being a magical creature yourself, I thought that we could talk.”
Alfred was speechless and was absolutely no help.
“How did you know that I was an elf? No one has ever seen that before. They just think I have a slight build.”
Harry just smiled knowingly and sat down.
He continued from where he originally started, “Your talk was truly wonderful. I have a final project at school about green forms of transportation and I would like to visit you and the North Pole if I may. The Danes, by the way, have a wonderful breed of dragon that could potentially replace your reindeer; although I would imagine that this could cause a bit of commotion.”
“The Pole…” said Liz still a bit surprised and shook it out of her head, “Uhm, we call it the Pole these days.”
“You can get hold of me with this.” he said and handed her a business card with a hologram of an owl on it.
“I would love to hear from you when you have found Mr. Claus.” said Harry as he stood up.
The shock was evident on both Alfred and Liz and he added, “News travels fast- especially bad news. And if there is anything I can do please let me know. You have my card. Best of luck.”
Liz and Alfred looked at each other and then at Harry who had simply disappeared. They looked back at one another after what seemed like an extremely long time.
Liz was the first to speak, “Do you think that that was really Harry Potter?”
“Harry Potter” was all that Alfred could mumble.
“No time for this now. This is bigger than we had imagined and we need to find William and Leroy”.
Liz grabbed Alfred by the arm and pulled him up. They headed in the direction in which they had last seen them.
Chapter 11
William followed after Leroy, who seemed to have an idea of where the man in black had headed. He had to trust him as it was awfully difficult as an elf to see in a crowd, even with boots on.
“Keep up man” said Leroy curtly to make sure that William was following along.
All of a sudden Leroy shot to the left and William could finally see the man through a break in the crowd. He was walking toward a double row of taxis. The group at the front of the line was quite animated and weren’t paying one bit of attention to the taxi driver signalling for them to come over. The man, however, walked calmly over and nodded his head and when the driver nodded back, he got into the car and shut the door. The driver got in and took off.
The group at the front of the line was now arguing with a group just behind them. William didn’t think that was unreasonable considering they were holding up the line in a country that pretty much stuck to rules. Italy’s another story, thought William, as he saw Leroy head to the front taxi, taking advantage of the situation. He caught up and in the blink of an eye they were in the taxi and off.
“We are travelling with the man in the taxi in front of us. Can you keep up with him?” Leroy asked the driver.
“Yes” was all the driver answered and closed the gap to the other car.
They followed one another for about 15 minutes into the center of Copenhagen and William could feel his heart beating the whole way. Leroy looked calm on the outside like he had done this a thousand times before. The taxi in front slowed to a stop just past a large hotel. Leroy asked their driver to continue on down the block and turn right at the first corner. He acknowledged him but didn’t make a sound.
William fished out enough cash plus a nice tip to pay and tossed it on the front seat just before they stopped. They scrambled out of the car and to the corner. Leroy looked slowly around the corner and while William was taking a deep breath Leroy took off like a champion sprinter. William ran after but resigned himself to keeping Leroy in sight. The man was nowhere in sight, but William trusted Leroy and kept on running.
Leroy turned sharply left into what appeared to be an alley and stopped dead in his tracks. William came running up behind him and stopped just in time to bump into him but not knock him over. The man looked back at them while getting into the back seat of a very large black Mercedes. His facial features were rather sympathetic without any distinguishing features. He had a slight build without any hint of facial hair. His eyes, however, were ice cold and glared at Leroy. That combined with unnaturally black hair and a black suit made him look like an evil math professor. In another life he could have been a normal, decent guy.
He climbed quickly into the car and it speed directly toward them. William froze and when he figured out what was going on, he was on the ground with Leroy lying right next to him. Apparently Leroy had grabbed him while jumping out of the way of the car, which he could hear was very loudly rounding the corner and disappeared out of sight.
Chapter 12
William climbed to his feet and helped Leroy up. They shook the dust off their coats and William picked up his hat. They didn’t speak but it was clear that they were both pretty shaken and disappointed. A muffled telephone ringing broke their silence. William fished his phone out of his jacket.
“Hi Alfred” he answered, shook his head quickly to the side and continued, “Can you lock on my coordinates and come pick us up in the sleigh?”
William and Leroy slumped down and sat with their backs against a building in what was not really an alley but a rather narrow street with very few windows facing it and barely enough space to park a car. Before either of them had time to collect their thoughts a car materialized on the small street. William didn’t remember seeing this one- “a metallic black mint condition 1971 Buick Riviera boattail” he would find out later. It was huge and outrageous and looked totally out of place in the middle of Copenhagen. They climbed into the backseat from the passenger side and they took off back to the Pole.
Mrs. Claus was waiting for them and was looking much better than the last time William saw her. She stared a bit at the car as they got out. Apparently she hadn’t seen it before either. She waved and welcomed them back.
“Did you find him?” she asked as soon as they were within earshot.
No one was sure whom she was referring to.
William avoided an awkward silence, “We nearly caught a man that we believe to be Dr. Diamond. Unfortunately he got away despite being chased across Copenhagen.”
“Oh, uhm...” she answered without really knowing what to say.
“I was thinking more about my husband.”
They all shook their heads slowly in unison in a gesture of disappointment.
Leroy exhaled audibly and started, “I have met the man in black and his name is Lester Person. Or at least was at that time. He’s gotta be our man, Dr. Diamond.”
He looked down in what seemed to be a dramatic pause. William found this alarming as this was definitely not Leroy’s style.
“We worked on an operation together a few years. The man turned in the space of 9 days from seeming weird and depressing to prove to be malicious and conniving.”
William was now really worried as this was the most descriptive he had ever heard Leroy. The others were waiting for more information, but William knew him well enough to know that he never talked about operations. Something had happened that had left an impression on Leroy and William was sure that he didn’t need to hear about it.
Chapter 13
“Man, I need a smoke.” said Mrs. Claus expressively and very much out of the blue.
With obvious surprise blurted Liz with a hint of self righteousness, “I didn’t know that you smoked.”
Mrs. Claus didn’t get a chance to reply because Leroy broke in.
“Give the lady a break. Here.”
Leroy pulled out a pack of cigarettes and flicked it so that one stood up and offered it to Mrs. Claus. She took it with a smile and he offered her a light. He took the opportunity to light up himself.
“Man, I haven’t had one of these in years” said Mrs. Claus contentedly.
Liz looked at Alfred and William as if to say, That’s cool. Both Alfred and William seemed to agree as judged by their body language.
“Okay. I should check my mails.” announced Mrs. Claus.
Alfred found her computer and handed it over to her. She turned it on and logged in. She tapped her fingers while she waited. She typed lightly on the keyboard and waited a bit again. Everyone was watching her. She strained her eyes a bit and then went very still. She looked down, closed her eyes and took a deep breath to try and collect herself.
It was obvious from the look on her face that something had happened. He didn’t miss a beat and headed straight for the small bar that they kept for special occasions. This was past special. He poured a glass of cognac and took it over to her.
She took a sip and Alfred picked the computer up by the top of the screen and turned it so that he could read the mail.
Dear Mrs. Claus,
Your husband is still safe despite your bumbled attempts at the climate conference. I am not amused by this and I must reiterate that any attempts to rescue Mr. Claus will be futile.
Sincerely,
Dr. Diamond
Alfred read the mail aloud and Mrs. Claus took a belt of cognac. She didn’t say anything and seemed to be taking it surprisingly well. Leroy and Alfred started checking the computer speaking in their foreign language.
“He’s still in Copenhagen.” surmised Leroy after a very long five minutes.
“Give us a couple minutes here.” said Alfred and explained himself, “We can see who sent the mail this time. We can cross check that with the national person register in Denmark. It’s well protected, though, and may take some time to get into.”
Leroy said “I know someone who can access the database. I’ve already contacted him.”
“Oh. Cool.” added Alfred.
Leroy’s phone rang after a couple of minutes and he wrote down,
Skindergade 43 2. th
Address 3rd floor apartment to the right
Name on door- J. Hansen
It didn’t mean much to any of them, but it soon would.
Chapter 14
Thanks to the GPS system installed in the sleigh it was easy to find the address of the apartment. They found out that it wasn’t all that easy to park in that part of Copenhagen and especially difficult when Alfred had decided that they should take the van conversion that was totally pimped with velour sofas, flat screen and surround sound. The outside of the van was painted midnight blue with an accurate depiction of the night sky around the Pole around Christmas time. It was complete with a couple of star-shaped windows at the back of the van and in the rear doors.
They had to find a place to land relatively far away from the apartment to avoid attracting undue attention. Alfred hadn’t counted on their being a steady stream of pedestrians and bicyclists. His choice of sleigh stood out considerably more than it would have in Chicago.
They managed to find an out of the way place to land and made their way toward the apartment. It turned out that the apartment was just down the street from a small passageway, “Jorck’s Passage”, that connected to the big pedestrian street in Copenhagen. The address was in a long row of apartment buildings in the city center. The first two floors of the building were actually a café where the Peruna Jazzmen were playing. They could hear traditional jazz through the open windows. Liz loved her jazz and William caught her by the arm as she was on the way into the café.
“We can hear jazz later, let’s focus on the apartment.” William reminded her.
“Of course” she answered sheepishly.
William gathered everyone and said, “Let’s be careful here. This could be a trap.”
Everyone was aware of the danger in what they were doing, but it helped to gather as a group before going in. They followed Leroy in through the door, which he had to pick as all doors out to the street in Copenhagen are apparently locked. They proceeded cautiously up the stairs to the third floor. The address made considerably more sense when they got into the building. There was a center staircase and on each floor there were two doors, one to the right and one to the left. They got up to the third floor and on the door to the right there was a brass sign with a gothic script that read, “J. Hansen”.
Leroy tried the door, but it was locked. He worked on the door and it took awhile but he succeeded and opened the door carefully. The lights were out and William went in past Leroy and stopped at the first doorway to the left, which was open and was a small bathroom. Leroy continued past him down the hall to a second door on the left. William checked the door on the right and it turned out to be a small but empty office.
Leroy waved him over. They nodded to one another and William opened the door. Leroy crouched and rushed into the room. William reached around and found the light switch. There was no one in there. The room was quite large with a small kitchen in the far corner and a sleeper sofa along the opposite wall. To the right there was another sofa and a coffee table. To the left there was a cabinet system with a lot of books and glassware.
On the one of the shelves of the cabinet sat a remarkably accurate bust of Darth Vader. Most of the books had a science fiction theme and the glassware seemed to be a mixture of vases and large, decorative bowls. They had all entered the room and were taking everything in. William was fascinated by the Darth Vader bust and went over to have a closer look.
The place was clean and tidy but there was no sign that anyone actually lived there. There was no computer.
Leroy scanned the whole room quickly and said sternly, “Mr. Claus is not here and we have stayed much longer than is prudent.”
Chapter 15
Doctor Diamond was watching from the apartment just above seated comfortably with a white toy poodle in his lap. He had never really liked the dog, but they had a simple relationship that he didn’t find in people. The dog did what he said- just like it was in the military. He had wanted something with an edge, like a German Shepard, but finally settled on a small poodle, which is more transportable.
He had installed a camera just behind one of Darth Vader’s eyes and the signal was being played on a large flat screen tv. He had a tendency to speak aloud to his dog, Jabba. He loved the name nearly more than the dog.
“Hmm, Jabba. What they don’t know is that I plan to ruin the whole concept of Christmas. I have forced Mr. Claus to sign a statement that all of his toys are produced by slave labor with loads of dangerous chemicals. I am going to ruin the Santa Claus brand. I let the old man go and he can see his whole place in the world crumble as the media go berserk with stories about how dangerous he is for the children of the world. We could kill him, but then he would be a martyr for the cause of Christmas.” He smiled smugly to himself.
Dr. Diamond, Lester, had trouble coming to terms with the fact that he didn’t get anything at Christmas neither as a kid nor now. It would have been one thing if he had been in a family that didn’t believe in giving gifts and he could just say, “We don’t practice the capitalistic aspects of Christmas” or something like that. Even having been an orphan maybe would have given some kind of holiday spirit. But his mom drank a lot and was out in the evenings through the night sometimes, and she didn’t have much time for “fucking bullshit gifts”. His dad was a long haul truck driver and always chose the long routes at Christmas that no one else wanted. They didn’t have a tree, they didn’t have stockings, they didn’t have anything except the few things he made at school and brought home. He treasured those in his room out of the way of his parents. As he grew older he came to loathe Christmas.
He was very confident in the success of his plan. He also didn’t fear any serious backlash as he was pretty sure that the judicial system at the North Pole doesn’t cover this eventuality.
He could see in his screen that the one with the cowboy hat was approaching the camera.
William was admiring the Darth Vader bust and looked closely at the eyes to see what color glass they used as they looked dark orange. He looked in from the side and noticed something strange inside. It was a camera. He could just make out the outline through the dark glass.
“We’re being filmed!” he yelled to the others just after Leroy had suggested they get out.
“Shit!” exclaimed Liz and they rushed for the front door and took off down the stairs.
Chapter 16
They take off down the street and headed toward the sleigh.
“This way!” yelled Leroy and led them up past a church and onto a small street.
They quickly reached a corner and Leroy put his hand out behind him to get the others to stop. He looked carefully both ways and took off right- in the seemingly opposite direction of the sleigh.
William turned to Liz, who looked confused, “We got to make sure that we aren’t being followed. Or Leroy has a crap sense of direction.”
Liz laughed and it helped to ease the tension. They made a right and then another right and continued down a curvy street. They were headed toward the sleigh again without going back by the apartment.
When they reached the sleigh Alfred said, “Let me check it first.”
He pulled a strange gadget out of his bag and swept the whole van, presumably for bugs and tracking devices. He nodded okay to the others and they climbed in. They took off and had a deadly silent ride home.
Chapter 17
The silence continued when they got back to the Pole.
Alfred finally broke it, “Somebody tell a joke or something.”
Surprisingly, it was Liz who cleared her throat and started, “A kid walks in on his parents going at it and says, ‘Mommy, what are you doing?’ The mom answers, ‘Uhm, well, I was, uh, just letting the air out of your dad.’ The kid thought hard and said, ‘Oh. That’s why Mrs. Smith next door is always blowing him up.’”
William was laughing loudest and mostly because he didn’t know that Liz had it in her. A dirty joke. Mrs. Claus had spotted the sleigh and walked in the door while everyone was still laughing and smiled to herself.
Leroy brought things back down, however, and got down to business, “We have to convince Dr. Science Fiction that we have a plan B, a viable plan B.”
“Alfred, Liz, can you check the floor and the database just to make sure that production is on track?” requested William, taking charge in a natural way.
“Sure, no problem” answered Alfred.
Liz nodded and they went out the door. Leroy looked at Mrs. Claus and then up at Leroy and shook his head yes.
William was the first to speak, “Alright, we tell everyone here that Mr. Claus has had an extremely nasty case of the flu. It’s perfectly believable, especially if it is followed by a lung infection. He’s been transported to a hospital outside of the Pole. We were afraid to tell everyone but have realized that it was a poor decision. We bluff and hope that no one sees a tell.”
Alfred and Liz returned and William repeated what he had said.
Leroy stood up and said, “We still need a traditional Christmas. We can’t send out a pimp mobile with a band of elves. No offense.”
He paused, looked over at Mrs. Claus and continued, “You need to replace Mr. Claus this year. We tell the whole factory about our plan B.”
Mrs. Claus looked at Leroy and answered very seriously, “I know the drill, so okay, but I ain’t wearing the suit!”
Leroy smiled.
Chapter 18
William went down to the factory and called for a short break because he had an important announcement.
He cleared his throat and started, “I know that everyone has noticed that Mr. Claus hasn’t been around. The truth of the matter is that he has been sick with a serious case of the flu that led to a lung infection. He is in a hospital and receiving treatment for the infection. The doctors expect a full recovery. They will not, however, allow him to leave before the 26th.”
William stopped to let them take in the message and continued, “I would like to apologize for not having informed you sooner, but we mistakenly thought that he would be over the flu in a couple of days. All of this means that we need to go with a backup plan. Mrs. Claus is going to fill in on the big night. This is a courageous decision and she needs all of our support. Again, I apologize on behalf of the management group and hope that we can put this behind us and hope for a speedy recovery for Mr. Claus. We will keep you up to date from this point on.”
The factory floor was quiet as a church and when people started talking they nodded their heads in acknowledgement. Apparently the bluff worked.
Something caught Leroy’s attention as he looked out over the factory floor. A single elf was walking off the floor with a telephone in his hand. Leroy ran out the door and down the stairs in the direction that he had gone out.
The elf called Dr. Diamond and told him all about Christmas going forward. He heard someone coming and hung up the phone. Leroy rounded a corner to find the elf hanging up his phone. Leroy instinctively reached for his gun, but quickly caught himself realizing that it would only make things worse. Instead he grabbed the elf by the arm and forced him up to the office. When they got there, Leroy explained the situation and an initial wave of panic spread over the others.
William gathered himself, “Okay, this doesn’t help Mr. Claus but it doesn’t change our plan. We continue.”
Everyone nodded in agreement.
“I’ll take care of this mess.” said Leroy yanking the traitor elf.
He walked out of the office and no one gave it any further thought.
Chapter 19
Dr. Diamond had received the news about the plan to go ahead with Christmas anyway and was happy. He was pretty sure that the elf had been caught as he hung up his phone unexpectedly. It didn’t matter, though, as he had gotten what he needed out of him. He was concerned that they could somehow trace the call to him even that he had taken precautions.
He spoke aloud, presumably to the dog, “I’m sorry that it has to come down to this, but it’s time for the backup plan.”
Doctor Diamond packed Jabba into his cage, “Jabba’s Hut”. He took that down along with his few possessions to a small panel van parked near the apartment. He climbed into the driver’s seat and moved it so that he could easily get Mr. Claus out and directly into the van.
Back up in the apartment, he knocked on the door opposite the bathroom. It was the signal for Mr. Claus to sit on his bed. He put on an Arnold Schwarzenegger mask and waited. When he opened the door Mr. Claus was sitting on the bed. He hadn’t had any trouble with Mr. Claus, but he didn’t want to take any chances. He threw him a ski mask to hide his characteristic beard and motioned toward the door with his head.
He loaded Mr. Claus into the van and bound his hands and feet with duct tape. He took off the ski mask and didn’t bother taping his mouth. He didn’t plan on speaking to him and could always cover his mouth if he got too chatty.
Dr. Diamond was a man of few words and as they set out he was totally focused on his situation. He had gotten Mr. Claus to write the letter that he would send out in a couple of days. He couldn’t help but wonder, though, if they were bluffing with a plan to send out Mrs. Claus instead of Mr. Claus. He had the upper hand, of course, but he wasn’t feeling 100% in control somehow. He caught himself thinking, What would Darth Vader do? Would he use a backup plan? He was sure that they couldn’t find him, but if they did, he couldn’t very well turn to the dark side, could he?
He calmed down a bit as he drove and programmed the GPS. They were going to a farmhouse in Sweden outside of a small town called Örkelljunga. He didn’t have a clue about how to pronounce the name, but he was sure that the house would be safe. No one except Jabba knew anything about it and he wasn’t going to send a mail or call anyone before he sent out the letter. He just had to sit back and wait for Christmas to self destruct.
He heard some scuffling from back in the van and turned his head and didn’t notice anything out of place. Mr. Claus must have just gotten a bit more comfortable. As they drove over the bridge connecting Denmark and Sweden, he was feeling more confident.
Chapter 20
Leroy walked backed into the office at the Pole.
He looked around and announced, “Everything is cool on the surface but Plan B won’t really work. We don’t know what Dr. Science Fiction is planning with Mr. Claus.”
William picked up his train of thought, “Mrs. Claus can easily deliver all of the presents, but there might be something bigger in the air than just kidnapping Mr. Claus.”
“Exactly” said Leroy.
“But what could he be planning otherwise?” asked Liz with more than a touch of innocence.
“It’s hard to say. The man is evil and is carrying around a serious amount of baggage.” answered Leroy.
William stood up like he was giving a speech and said, “We need to save Christmas. We need to find Mr. Claus. Now think. There has to be some way to trace Dr. Diamond. We can go back to the apartment again and see if the camera had a wire or sender or...”
“I got it, I got it!” exclaimed Liz interrupting William.
“What you got?” asked Leroy.
Liz was fishing around in her bag and in an elegant sweeping motion produced a business card.
“A business card?” asked William incredulously.
“No, no, no. Not just a business card. Harry Potter gave it to me.” explained Liz.
"Harry Potter!? Damn girl you been drinkin’." said Leroy.
“Come on, Liz, this is a deadly serious matter.” added William somewhat annoyed.
“Harry Potter gave it to me and said that I could get in contact with him. He’s a wizard, he must be able to help us.” explained Liz further, hoping that it would convince William and Leroy.
William and Leroy just shook their heads in disbelief.
As Leroy was about to say something, Alfred broke in, "It's the real deal. We got it from Harry Potter, who stopped by while you two were chasing Dr. Diamond after Liz’s talk."
Liz could see the disbelief turning into hope and said, “Okay. Let’s figure out how it works.”
Chapter 21
The card was plain as Liz studied it for the first time. It was made of a sturdy paper that she presumed was parchment and the only thing it had printed on it was a hologram of an owl. No name, no useless job title and no phone number. She guessed that Harry Potter didn’t really need a normal phone and it wasn’t like he was in middle management or something.
“This is like in the movies. I think that we just have to concentrate on him and he will appear.” offered Alfred.
“Or maybe you can just toss the card in the air and it will turn into an owl and fly away.” said Liz sarcastically.
William answered, quite seriously, “It can’t hurt, let’s give it a try.”
Liz twisted up her face in disbelief, but gathered herself and thought, What the heck? She tossed the card up in the air and it floated down to the ground, but nothing happened.
Leroy sided more with Alfred and picked up the card. He had read all of the books, but had never admitted it to anyone. He started thinking about how he would get in touch with Harry Potter if he were a wizard and held onto the card. The hologram started bubbling up from the card and Leroy poured it on. The bubble grew and the card became surprisingly heavy and Leroy dropped it to the ground. A white owl burst forth and flew toward the nearest window. Alfred rushed over and opened it to let it out. The owl flew away.
Although some time must have passed, it seemed that in the next instant there was a knock at the office door. Alfred opened it and there stood none other than Harry Potter.
He walked in and looked around and said, “Hi Liz, Hi Alfred”
Both William and Leroy looked like little kids that were waiting for Hermione and Ron to show up. They were at a loss for words and Liz sensed that their usual cool had failed them in this situation.
Harry said to Liz, “There’s a cage for you outside. I brought you a fine specimen of a Danish dragon, Drago dannebrum, that is a great flyer and would make a fine addition to the reindeer that you normally use. She is not fond of reindeer meat, so you don’t have to worry about that. It would be a good idea to get someone to let her out in a couple of hours.”
Liz smiled, “Thanks. I’m sure that Alfred will be happy for yet another form of locomotion.”
She had trouble seeing how this was important under the current circumstances and wanted to get back to the matter at hand.
She got serious, “That’s not quite the reason that we needed your help.”
“Yes, I know. I was just waiting for your call.” answered Harry.
He continued, “Mr. Claus is being held at a farmhouse in Sweden and I will give Alfred the coordinates. I advise you to be very careful as there is a lot riding on getting Mr. Claus back.”
He gave a piece of parchment to Alfred and left as suddenly as he had appeared.
William and Leroy looked at each other, still in a state of wonderment.
Chapter 22
“Alright, I have the house located on the computer here and it’s out in the middle of nowhere. On the bright side, we won’t have problems with being conspicuous.” said Alfred and smiled.
William and Leroy appeared as though they were back in business, although they were uncharacteristically silent considering the situation.
Liz stepped in, “What does the terrain look like around the house?”
“It’s surrounded by what looks like a field with the exception of a small hill to one side of the house. It’s in the middle of a forest, so it will be possible to land and proceed on foot.” said Alfred.
Leroy looked thoughtful and a bit worried, “We don’t know anything about the area around the house. He could easily have set traps, so we need to be extra cautious in approaching the house. I think that we can assume that he is working alone, but we don’t know that either. Alfred is there anything that you can add here?”
Alfred answered, “Yes, the ground in that area seems to be full of granite and it would be difficult to place too much there. “
Leroy said, “So we approach over the hill and stay away from the field, which could be cultivated and easy to dig in. He’ll expect that, so we need to do this at night.”
William added, “That won’t be a problem as it’s so far north that it’s dark most of the day anyway at this time of year.”
Leroy looked at everyone in turn and said, “It should be dark there in 30 minutes, everyone get their gear ready and we will discuss the details in the sleigh ride.”
He turned to William and said, “Stay for five minutes.”
William could hear that a switch had flipped in Leroy’s brain and he was preparing for combat. They discussed a plan where they would be two teams. Leroy would take Alfred and William was responsible for Liz. They would approach the house one tree at a time from different angles. William understood and wanted to get started. He was getting antsy and Leroy could sense this.
“You’re ready to go. Are you prepared for all eventualities?” Leroy asked William.
“Yeah. If you are asking what I think you are asking then the answer is yes. And I want to be first in the door.” answered William confidently, although he was worried.
“Cool” said Leroy as William left to gather his gear.
Everyone met back at the office with weapons and prepared for the cold weather in the middle of the forest in Sweden. Everyone except William had serious looks that were laced heavily with anxiety. William looked more resigned and Leroy knew that he was the man in this mission.
They left the office and climbed in the van and started on the short journey to Sweden. They discussed the plan and just as Leroy was finished William’s telephone blurted out, “Message from the dark side there is” in a well-known voice.
“Who on Earth can that be?” thought William aloud and was surprised that he forgot to mute it. He was even more surprised by who was contacting him. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or very scared. He let the message be as he kept his focus on the here and now. The others could see surprise and shock in his face.
Chapter 23
They landed in a stand of trees out of sight from the house but still pretty close. They climbed out and as agreed there was no verbal communication. Leroy and Alfred led and gave hand signals to William and Liz. They picked up speed as they went and slowed down again when they were 100 meters away. They proceeded at that point from tree to tree. They stopped 50 meters from the house and Leroy called William over to him.
“Lights. All the lights are on like he isn’t expecting company.” whispered Leroy.
William shook his head in agreement and shrugged his shoulders.
“Let’s rock. You take the left side as we approach around to the front door. I will cover the near side window and the right side of the house around to the back door. You go in first and I will follow your lead.” whispered Leroy, this time with more authority.
“Let’s roll.” replied Willliam and without waiting took off over to Liz to explain the plan.
William and Liz crept toward the left side of the house using trees and rocks as cover. Leroy and Alfred were moving in parallel directly toward the house. William and Liz stopped at the last tree about 15 meters from the house. They waited for a second and William checked for movement. He didn’t see anything. He checked his pistol and looked over at Liz and nodded. He took off running toward the front door and Liz watched the house with her gun out. William ran past the door and stopped just to the side.
Leroy and Alfred had gotten to the near side of the house and checked in the window. It looked in on a kitchen but there was no sign of people or movement. They continued on to the right around the back patio. He couldn’t see William and was waiting to hear the front door.
In one smooth motion William kicked the door in and entered the house with his gun out in front of him. He looked to the right on a closed door and straight ahead at a flight of stairs. He saw movement to his left through an open doorway. He dropped down to his stomach with his gun extended. He could see that it was a large shadow and part of it was moving. He was suddenly very scared that he had walked into an elegant trap. Before he could focus, his sharpened senses could hear the start of a familiar song,
Hi, my name is… what?
My name is… who?
My name is… tick-a, tick-a, Slim Shady…
“Where the Hell have you been?” came a familiar voice from inside the room.
The song, the voice, it was an unmistakable combination.
“Mr. Claus?” said William carefully still trying to figure out his next move.
“Come on in. Things are cool. The weirdo is tied up upstairs. He’s easy to recognize- he’s the one in the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask with a white toy poodle.” said Mr. Claus in a calm voice.
William relaxed slightly and stuck his head around the corner. Mr. Claus was sitting in a huge easy chair bobbing his head and tapping his feet to the music. At that moment the back door behind the chair was kicked in. They both got a shock seeing Leroy coming through like a true soldier with his weapon drawn ready to fire. He stopped like he hit a brick wall.
“What the…? Where’s Dr. Science Fiction?” asked Leroy still trying to take in the situation.
“Is that what he calls himself? He’s tied up with that damn dog.” answered Mr. Claus.
Liz and Alfred ran in and stopped in their tracks at the site of Mr. Claus just chilling in an easy chair.
“Let’s blow this taco stand, man. We got work to do.” declared Mr. Claus as he got up out of his chair.
Chapter 24
Mr. Claus could see that everyone was relieved enough to put their guns down but it was obvious that they were still overwhelmed and confused.
“Alright, here’s how the story goes. I managed to break loose on our drive to Sweden. I pretended to be asleep for most of the journey. When we arrived he opened the door of the van and had put his mask back on. It was ridiculous as I could see his face in the rear view mirror while we driving. He raised his voice to wake me up and I pretended to be groggy. He reached in to grab me by the arm and I hit him upside the head with a solid piece of wood that was lying in the back of the van. He went down like a sack of potatoes. I tied him up with duct tape and dragged him into the house and upstairs. Considering he kidnapped me, he was relatively civil, so I made sure that his dog followed us. They’re in an upstairs bedroom.” explained Mr. Claus.
He continued, “At that point, I sat down for five minutes to gather myself and sent William a message. He didn’t reply and I figured that the cavalry was on the way. I was about to call Alfred when I remembered that he had planted tracking devices on each sleigh and had programmed my phone. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I finally got it and could see that that you were headed this way. So, I put on some music and kicked back.”
“What about Mrs. Claus and plan B?” said Leroy as he holstered his gun.
“I talked to her. She’s relieved and we need to get going.” said Mr. Claus as he headed toward the front door.
“Whoa, wait a minute. We have a problem. What are we going to do with Dr. Diamond?” asked William.
Leroy chuckled and answered, “I’ll fix that. The man’s crying for help. If it’s attention he wants then I will take him over to my family. Man, he won’t get nothing but. It will be like feeding time at the zoo. And, I’ll have just enough time to drop by the store and pick something up for him.”
Leroy headed upstairs to pick him up.
Mr. Claus was all business and turned to William, Liz and Alfred “Is everything ready?”
Liz answered, “They might be a bit surprised to see you, but production is on track.”
“We’ll have to go with the normal sleigh as I haven’t had time to make the final adjustments on the new one. I do have a little surprise for you. Well, it’s probably more like a big surprise.” answered Alfred going from being serious to sarcastic.
Leroy came down with Dr. Diamond over his shoulder and the dog followed along. They headed out the door and made good time to the sleigh. Everyone had time to clear their heads on the walk over.
They dropped Leroy off at home with his guests and headed back to the Pole.
When they landed, Mrs. Claus came running over and gave Mr. Claus a huge kiss. Alfred disappeared, presumably to make the sleigh ready, and William and Liz walked toward the office on their way to change clothes. Mr. and Mrs. Claus walked toward the Manor.
A short while later everyone had returned in more traditional dress. Mr. Claus walked out to the factory floor and was received with cheers and smiles.
As they quieted down, he didn’t waste any time, “I’m back and ready to go. Let’s pack the sleigh!”
A loud cheer went up again and everyone got busy with last minute preparations.
Mr. Claus returned and was beaming. He looked happier than anyone had seen him in a long time.
“Alright, it’s showtime!” he declared.
He went out to the sleigh and stopped dead in his tracks. Hitched at the front of the team of eight reindeer was a green dragon with reddish wings flapping in anticipation. It looked over and winked at Mr. Claus.
“This must be the surprise.” stated Mr. Claus not really expecting an answer.
He thought for a second and summed up the situation, “Well, if it works with a reindeer with a light bulb for a nose then it can work with a dragon in the lead. I’m game. Where on Earth did you get it?”
Alfred, Liz, William and Mrs. Claus looked at one another.
William turned and answered, “It’s a long story. We’ll tell you when you get back.”
Everyone turned toward Mr. Claus, smiled, and said proudly in unison as they did every year, “Merry Christmas!”
They all waved and he waved back as the sleigh took off.
Epilogue
Dr. Diamond, or Lester as Leroy insisted on calling him, and Jabba had a great time celebrating Christmas with Leroy’s family though it took a couple of glasses of wine to get him going. He actually got into the football game and truly enjoyed himself for possibly the first time in his life.
William, Liz, Alfred and Mrs. Claus had their traditional dinner while Mr. Claus was out delivering presents and they went over the story of what happened in Sweden a couple of times. December had flown by and they were exhausted, but happy to be at home and relaxing.
Mr. Claus returned with a smile on his face and slept a whole day, as was his custom. The following day, as was promised, he got the whole story, including the origin of the dragon. In the evening the Pole held its annual celebration where everyone got a chance to unwind and the story of the memorable Christmas of 2009 was told and re-told.
